SWAGGERING INTO SUCCESS


I gave a brief talk at a business learning and networking event this week. The subject of the talk was SPREADING YOUR MAGIC. Most of that talk can be found in a series of 4 blogs I wrote with that title. Blog #3 specifically refers to setting yourself in a confident/dominant mode before important meetings, interviews, etc. Using tool like power poses, power gestures, and power walking can actually increase your testosterone in your system by 30% while reducing your estrogen by a corresponding amount. This change in chemical balance initiates a loop between your brain and body that creates a mood of confidence.
One of the tools is swaggering. A friend of mine (Who I will call K) attended my talk. A day later K found herself walking from her bank to a tea shop. Although the visit was a casual decision, she remembered the talk and swaggered from the bank to the tea shop.
When K got to the shop employees were preparing a presentation. K met the presenter at the door. They immediately fell into a conversation. K had another event to go to, but agreed to stay for at least part of the presentation. As she decided to stay the owner emerged from the kitchen area. My friend had been trying to reconnect with this owner for a couple of months. They had discussed K giving a lecture on dream work and never closed on it. The owner was delighted to see K. The owner brought up the lecture and suggested that my friend could do it in two weeks.
K’s swaggering had lent her an air of confidence when she entered the shop. The confidence engendered positive reactions from speaker and the owner. Their responses increased my friend’s confidence. K remained for the entire talk, convinced by people’s reaction to her and her increasing sense of confidence that this meeting was where she should be.
The talk began and the subjects were communication, DISC, and listening. K became even more convinced that she had made the right decision by staying. The talk provided an especially friendly and receptive environment for her specialty, dream work. When the time came for each attendee to introduce themselves, K was ready.
K has always hated doing the 30 second “What I do speeches” at these events. The result has been that her 30 seconds had little sizzle to it. Rarely, did her 30 seconds get any reaction. This time K felt herself strong and confident in talking. She did not worry about what to say. She just let it flow. K’s new confidence and relaxed manner earned her two requests for appointments.
It is just so cool when someone learns something and employs it immediately. It is even more wonderful when it produces such great results.

PSYCH-K EXPERIENCE


Two years ago my experience with PSYCH-K was not promising.  It was a short demonstration and I had come without any preparation.  However, I had a great deal of respect for the facilitator, Karen McKy, and her associate, Jim Bates.  Because of this respect I read about a dozen books on neuroscience, on changing the brain, and on the conscious/subconscious synergy in our brains.  The reading verified the science behind PSYCH-K.

The first Saturday and Sunday in June 2012I had the opportunity to attend the two day Basic training for facilitating PSYCH-K.  There is no time to explain PYSCH-K in this blog, but it works on the principal of accessing and using the individual’s own resources.  The individual forms a partnership with the facilitator to reach these resources.

I brought a receptive mind set to the experience.  Karen McKy conducted the training (see her website @ www.subconsciouschange.com ).  The group was small, but very active, friendly, and aggressively participatory.

One of the items I sought to address was the daily feeling of fatigue that I have.  It interferes in my work.  I am getting enough sleep and should not be going through this.  We performed the brain hemispheric synchronization process.  I tested the statement “My body is healed, restored, and full of energy.”

I was surprised when the signal test showed my left hemisphere was not fully supporting this statement.  I would have guessed an inner resistance, or shortage of conviction.  Instead my right hemisphere was on board. My logical, let hemisphere was not.  I realized I knew I needed walking and agility, work, but was not even scheduling it.  Scheduling is a left brain function!  I started attending Tai Chi on the next Wednesday and walked over a mile Wednesday evening.  I will work some lower body into all my weight days.

One of the most potent uses of PSYCH-K is rewriting subconscious blockages.  These blockages are most commonly in the form of negative or self-limiting beliefs.  Another subject I addressed is my failure to confront misinformation at lectures, which bothers me.  People often take action based on the misinformation. I feel it is a disservice to lecture attendees not to challenge statements I know to be incorrect.

While working on the empowering belief statement I would make to confront such misinformation in the future, we explored why I was not doing it now. The issue came down to two elements, a lack of courage and the perception I had to confront the speaker to challenge the information.  That is not true.  If I frame the challenge as a question with my knowledge being new, or evolved from the presented information, I can challenge the information, but not contradict the speaker. I can avoid seeming like a smart ass.  I haven’t had a chance to test this change, but I will.

I found the PSYCH-K Basic Workshop to be more than I expected. Everyone enjoyed it.  Everyone got immediate results.  Everyone learned things about themselves and each other. I would recommend this workshop to anyone who is dealing with mind and life changing issues. I would recommend it to anyone who is seeking additional methods to help others with mind and life changing issues.  Contact Karen www.SubconsciousChange.com

BEHAVIORAL STYLE AND THE SPREADING OF MAGIC – Day 4


Some of you are thinking, “That’s nice and all, but that is just not me!” Well, it’s not me, either!
All of us have different DISC behavior styles. All of us have the potential to be the high point, the worst point, or no point of another’s day. There are ways for every style to share their magic. I will give examples of how the different styles can share their happiness.
Those of you who are quick decision makers, are only interested in the bullet points, and don’t listen, WARM UP! You have the most likelihood of the 4 major styles, driver, influencer, steady, or compliant/analytical of ruining someone’s day. Because of that you can easily be the high point.
By nature you are abrupt. Here is a classic trait of your style that, if changed radically changes your impact and how you are perceived. When you have finished talking do not simply walk away. I know you value your time and you value mine and don’t want to waste any of it. What I would like to feel is that you valued me.
Take the time to tie a bow on our conversation. Take the opportunity for simple compliments and validations. “I saw you move that cart out of the traffic into the rack, thanks.” “I am not sure anyone else could have put this report together so quickly, good job.” You don’t like to listen. Make the effort. Suddenly, you may discover that it is not so much that “Nobody tells me anything”, but that you haven’t been listening.
Those of you of the influencer persuasion bring your enthusiasm, empathy, and creativity to every conversation. You also have a tendency to bring superstar you to the center of the stage. You want to make someone feel great? Put them there for a couple of minutes.
“Jeff, I that’s how I feel about it. I want to know how you see it.” “You must have a lot of experience with public speaking. I just loved your presentation.” Both of these have one thing in common. Coming from a behavioral style that does not normally listen, you have shown them that you feel they are important. Be sure you do listen. That’s not easy, but you can do it. Focus on the, now.
The first two styles I mentioned have trouble listening. The rest of you guys have trouble talking. Your advantage is that by nature you are listeners. That gives you the information to give high impact compliments and validation, one that touches the things that are important to the speaker.
Of course you listen in two different ways. Those of you, who are calm, laid back, follow processes and are much more comfortable with friends and family will pick up on who I talk about. You will know what people and relationships are important to me, maybe even better than I know that. You will know that telling me, “You did a great job with that customer’s complaint” means a lot more than “You really understand the complaint process.”
You’ve heard me talk for a few minutes and realize that I almost never mention people. You know that things, projects, and objectives are important to me. I will love hearing, “That process you developed really moves things along.”
So, what does all this get you?
I will absolutely guarantee you that lifting yourself up and sharing it will make you happier at the end of the day.

SPREAD YOUR MAGIC – DAY 3 SHARE, SHARE ACTIVELY, AND VALIDATE


TO SHARE YOUR HAPPINESS, TAKES JUST A TOUCH OF YOUR MAGIC

One of the really wonderful things about this is that you cannot help, but share your magic.  Humans are wired to pick up signals (some are physical tells, others are actually electromagnetic) from other humans.   If you feel good, you give good signals.  If you are blah, the signals are blah.  If you are feeling down, the signals are sad.   You cannot escape this level of sharing.  People within 10 feet of you react to how you feel.  You also react to how they feel.  At this level your effect is real but unfocused.

Still under the banner of involuntary sharing you directly impact people you meet face to face.  Without a word being spoken you share your feelings.  I hope they are white magic feelings. You share your feelings with each person you meet.  We are all wired to both send and receive a myriad number of emotions.  This helps us sort out the dangerous people from the potential allies. 

The first direct and most powerful sharing of our magic is still silent.  It’s almost silent, anyhow.  It is listening.  High, high on the list of human needs is the need to be heard.  Not to be heard as just another noise, but to be the object of a focused listener.  

The primary power of listening is the power of focus.  Lack of focus is the enemy of communication.  Lack of focus blurs communication.  The lack of focus breaks up communication.  Worst of all, lack of focus misdirects communication.  We need focus in speaking as well as in listening.  Without focus how will you know if I am listening to you? 

Without focus how will you know when I say something important to you?  The focus of a listener is a great gift.  It is a gift that you should give well and often.   As often as you give it you will make others happy. 

As often as you give it, you will make yourself happier.  There is a bounce back from your focus on me.  I radiate my happiness at being valued and honored back at you.  That increases your happiness which you bounce back to me.

Listening often requires a pro active starter.  The starter can be a hello by name, or a smile to a stranger.  A good morning to a stranger on a city street is like a rainbow.  Say how are you this morning and wait for and listen to the answer.  That is so strong.  It’s hard to do, but about half the population is as shy as you are.  In this case the one who speaks first wins.  The person wins a sense of recognition and value.  You win that persons memory of how you made them feel.

The top power, the lightning bolt of your magic is validation. A light touch of a compliment, an observation of a deed well done, a simple good morning can all inflict happiness on the recipient.  We all hunger for some recognition of our goodness.  It is a grain of sand to you.  It is a golden nugget to the recipient.

SPREAD YOUR MAGIC – DAY 2 RAMP IT UP OR TONE IT DOWN (A LITTLE)


You really inhibit your power to affect others, if you inhibit yourself.  So don’t.  Make sure you are ready to roll.  Let yourself, the people you meet and the entire universe know you are in charge, even if you do not feel like you are.

I really want you to actually try this.  You will be glad you did.  Stand up.  Spread your feet just a little wider than your shoulders.  Put your hands on your hips.  Hold this for two minutes.  Please time it.  Over is OK, but two minutes is the minimum.  If you need to move a little, take one hand off your hip and point at what would be your audience.  Feel it?

If you were a test subject and we swabbed your saliva before and after this exercise, your estrogen would have dropped 30% and your testosterone would have increased 30%!  The posture you struck is a power posture.  While you stand that way your body is telling your mind you are dominating the situation.  Your mind increases the testosterone release and decreases the estrogen release.   The chemical change tells you body you are dominating. Your body stands a little straighter and tells the mind, “We sure are!”

This cycle will sustain itself for a while. It will sustain itself longer, if you are in a social situation because there will be continuous feedback that you are in charge.   You are. You are in charge of yourself.  Power postures send a physical message of dominance to your audience, but more importantly the postures send the same message from your body to your mind.  Pitiful, “I am sad“poses tell everybody you are vulnerable and defensive.

Here are some other things you can do to beef up your feeling of control.  Stand with your arms raised in a “V” victory pose.  Strut.  Get your head up, shoulders back and arms swinging slightly. Make an entrance!   Feel silly doing the poses?  Step into an empty hallway, close the door to you office, or use a stall in the rest room.  Get it on in your car.  After you park spread out.  Put an arm up on the window ledge, an arm up on the seat back, and a foot over into the passengers’ side.

Spread out at the table or in your seat.  Claim some space.  Grow as you speak.  To avoid over doing this do it briefly.  At times offer some neutral, or slightly submissive, postures, as a temporary sharing of the floor and the spotlight, or just an invitation to speak.

If you are naturally dominating in groups, dial it back a bit.  People are not leaning back from you because of your breath.  You are blowing them back with too much power.  Try this mini meditation and calming exercise.  Take four really deep breaths.  Hold for a beat at the end of the inhale.  Concentrate on finishing the exhale all the way.  This oxygenates your blood and your brain, calms you, centers you and changes your message to a less aggressive combination.

You are not just happy.  You are strong happy.  You a bomb of joy waiting to explode into lives!

Now that we have some well being to share, let’s get to sharing it!

SPREAD YOUR MAGIC – DAY 1 YOUR MAGIC AND HOW TO FIND IT


We have an ability to affect everyone we meet with our mood.
Remember the times you had a perfectly wonderful morning mood destroyed by an encounter with one grouchy person? No? Your mood was probably not destroyed, but I’ll bet it was toned way down. How about the times you had a just sort of good mood? Those were the times an encounter with an unhappy person could knock you into neutral, or even into a little bit grumpy.
Then there were the days you started in neutral, or maybe even a little below neutral. Nothing much happened between leaving the house and getting to work. By the time you reached your desk you were smiling a little and ready for the day. Could it have been that stranger that smiled and wished you a good morning? Maybe it was the driver that waved you into their lane? Maybe it was the “Hi, Nik!” from somebody you didn’t think knew your name? Any one of those little things might have been enough to nudge you over the line. If you got all three, you were probably way above the line by the time you hit your desk.
Neuroscience research has proven that we have a 50% chance to affect every person we meet with our mood. In turn that person has a 10 % chance of passing on our mood. We can’t keep this effect from taking place. We can choose the mood we transmit. It’s easy to have a good mood when your day starts of well. Just feeling well rested is a good start. Good moods are still accessible on bad days.
You can influence yourself, before you influence others. If you are not at your tippy- top, happy best, you can start a cycle of the body is happy, the brain is happy; the body is happier, etc. going. Then you can take that start and ramp it up. How can you do that?
Just smile with your facial muscles. It helps, if you look into a mirror. Seeing the smile, as well as feeling it, doubles the effect. Hum, or sing your favorite happy song (I love ‘em too, but this is not the time for the blues.) These simple actions tell the brain that has been sending the body sad, or neutral, signals that the body is sending happy signals. So, the brain responds by shutting off the unhappy. It may even send a happy signal back to the body. At least, it will be receptive to continuing cheerful signals from the body and join in. While this is going on think of the best thing that happened to you yesterday. Think of a good thing that is going to happen today, or decide to make something good happen today.
Tomorrow: RAMP IT UP

WHO’S GOT THE MOTIVATION?


One of my groups recently had a long discussion (after 4 weeks it is still going on.)  The topic was the source of motivation.  The options were that the employees brought it, the employer created it, or some combination of the two.  The initial premise was a statement that to hire the already motivated was the best way to build a strong work force.  I believe the group was trying to identify before hiring was a “strong work ethic.”  A work ethic is a general tendency we have to put a real effort into any assignment.

My opinion, based on extensive reading in psychology, is that everyone has some blend of six basic self actualization motives.  These are the needs we seek to satisfy after we have enough to eat, a warm dry place to sleep, sex, and a sense of security.   These motives are not aligned with the employer’s motives until we know what the employer’s vision, objectives and motivations are.   An employer that understands these motivations can select employees that are likely to find self actualization in that organization.

The comments got pretty snarly from time to time.  That happens when people are heavily invested in their opinions.   What struck me was how many of the commentators disliked employees and regarded them as lesser beings. Those with this view definitely did not want the responsibility of supplying the motivation.  If they had to supply the motivation, their preferred system was the whip.

Those that are shirking their leadership and management responsibilities will find things going their way in a weak economy.  The employees without specific motivation, but with the strong work ethic, will be enough to support the 40% who admit to working just hard enough not to get fired. 

However, when the economy recovers you don’t want to be standing in the exit door.  You will get trampled by the unmotivated with a strong work ethic.  They will lead the charge to a better place to work.  They will find an organization that aligns with their motivations.

For students reading this the lesson is to plan to be an entrepreneur.  Bring an entrepreneur is hard.  It is the best chance you have to work for a good leader or manager.