SPREAD YOUR MAGIC – DAY 3 SHARE, SHARE ACTIVELY, AND VALIDATE

TO SHARE YOUR HAPPINESS, TAKES JUST A TOUCH OF YOUR MAGIC

One of the really wonderful things about this is that you cannot help, but share your magic.  Humans are wired to pick up signals (some are physical tells, others are actually electromagnetic) from other humans.   If you feel good, you give good signals.  If you are blah, the signals are blah.  If you are feeling down, the signals are sad.   You cannot escape this level of sharing.  People within 10 feet of you react to how you feel.  You also react to how they feel.  At this level your effect is real but unfocused.

Still under the banner of involuntary sharing you directly impact people you meet face to face.  Without a word being spoken you share your feelings.  I hope they are white magic feelings. You share your feelings with each person you meet.  We are all wired to both send and receive a myriad number of emotions.  This helps us sort out the dangerous people from the potential allies. 

The first direct and most powerful sharing of our magic is still silent.  It’s almost silent, anyhow.  It is listening.  High, high on the list of human needs is the need to be heard.  Not to be heard as just another noise, but to be the object of a focused listener.  

The primary power of listening is the power of focus.  Lack of focus is the enemy of communication.  Lack of focus blurs communication.  The lack of focus breaks up communication.  Worst of all, lack of focus misdirects communication.  We need focus in speaking as well as in listening.  Without focus how will you know if I am listening to you? 

Without focus how will you know when I say something important to you?  The focus of a listener is a great gift.  It is a gift that you should give well and often.   As often as you give it you will make others happy. 

As often as you give it, you will make yourself happier.  There is a bounce back from your focus on me.  I radiate my happiness at being valued and honored back at you.  That increases your happiness which you bounce back to me.

Listening often requires a pro active starter.  The starter can be a hello by name, or a smile to a stranger.  A good morning to a stranger on a city street is like a rainbow.  Say how are you this morning and wait for and listen to the answer.  That is so strong.  It’s hard to do, but about half the population is as shy as you are.  In this case the one who speaks first wins.  The person wins a sense of recognition and value.  You win that persons memory of how you made them feel.

The top power, the lightning bolt of your magic is validation. A light touch of a compliment, an observation of a deed well done, a simple good morning can all inflict happiness on the recipient.  We all hunger for some recognition of our goodness.  It is a grain of sand to you.  It is a golden nugget to the recipient.

SPREAD YOUR MAGIC – DAY 2 RAMP IT UP OR TONE IT DOWN (A LITTLE)

You really inhibit your power to affect others, if you inhibit yourself.  So don’t.  Make sure you are ready to roll.  Let yourself, the people you meet and the entire universe know you are in charge, even if you do not feel like you are.

I really want you to actually try this.  You will be glad you did.  Stand up.  Spread your feet just a little wider than your shoulders.  Put your hands on your hips.  Hold this for two minutes.  Please time it.  Over is OK, but two minutes is the minimum.  If you need to move a little, take one hand off your hip and point at what would be your audience.  Feel it?

If you were a test subject and we swabbed your saliva before and after this exercise, your estrogen would have dropped 30% and your testosterone would have increased 30%!  The posture you struck is a power posture.  While you stand that way your body is telling your mind you are dominating the situation.  Your mind increases the testosterone release and decreases the estrogen release.   The chemical change tells you body you are dominating. Your body stands a little straighter and tells the mind, “We sure are!”

This cycle will sustain itself for a while. It will sustain itself longer, if you are in a social situation because there will be continuous feedback that you are in charge.   You are. You are in charge of yourself.  Power postures send a physical message of dominance to your audience, but more importantly the postures send the same message from your body to your mind.  Pitiful, “I am sad“poses tell everybody you are vulnerable and defensive.

Here are some other things you can do to beef up your feeling of control.  Stand with your arms raised in a “V” victory pose.  Strut.  Get your head up, shoulders back and arms swinging slightly. Make an entrance!   Feel silly doing the poses?  Step into an empty hallway, close the door to you office, or use a stall in the rest room.  Get it on in your car.  After you park spread out.  Put an arm up on the window ledge, an arm up on the seat back, and a foot over into the passengers’ side.

Spread out at the table or in your seat.  Claim some space.  Grow as you speak.  To avoid over doing this do it briefly.  At times offer some neutral, or slightly submissive, postures, as a temporary sharing of the floor and the spotlight, or just an invitation to speak.

If you are naturally dominating in groups, dial it back a bit.  People are not leaning back from you because of your breath.  You are blowing them back with too much power.  Try this mini meditation and calming exercise.  Take four really deep breaths.  Hold for a beat at the end of the inhale.  Concentrate on finishing the exhale all the way.  This oxygenates your blood and your brain, calms you, centers you and changes your message to a less aggressive combination.

You are not just happy.  You are strong happy.  You a bomb of joy waiting to explode into lives!

Now that we have some well being to share, let’s get to sharing it!

SPREAD YOUR MAGIC – DAY 1 YOUR MAGIC AND HOW TO FIND IT

We have an ability to affect everyone we meet with our mood.
Remember the times you had a perfectly wonderful morning mood destroyed by an encounter with one grouchy person? No? Your mood was probably not destroyed, but I’ll bet it was toned way down. How about the times you had a just sort of good mood? Those were the times an encounter with an unhappy person could knock you into neutral, or even into a little bit grumpy.
Then there were the days you started in neutral, or maybe even a little below neutral. Nothing much happened between leaving the house and getting to work. By the time you reached your desk you were smiling a little and ready for the day. Could it have been that stranger that smiled and wished you a good morning? Maybe it was the driver that waved you into their lane? Maybe it was the “Hi, Nik!” from somebody you didn’t think knew your name? Any one of those little things might have been enough to nudge you over the line. If you got all three, you were probably way above the line by the time you hit your desk.
Neuroscience research has proven that we have a 50% chance to affect every person we meet with our mood. In turn that person has a 10 % chance of passing on our mood. We can’t keep this effect from taking place. We can choose the mood we transmit. It’s easy to have a good mood when your day starts of well. Just feeling well rested is a good start. Good moods are still accessible on bad days.
You can influence yourself, before you influence others. If you are not at your tippy- top, happy best, you can start a cycle of the body is happy, the brain is happy; the body is happier, etc. going. Then you can take that start and ramp it up. How can you do that?
Just smile with your facial muscles. It helps, if you look into a mirror. Seeing the smile, as well as feeling it, doubles the effect. Hum, or sing your favorite happy song (I love ‘em too, but this is not the time for the blues.) These simple actions tell the brain that has been sending the body sad, or neutral, signals that the body is sending happy signals. So, the brain responds by shutting off the unhappy. It may even send a happy signal back to the body. At least, it will be receptive to continuing cheerful signals from the body and join in. While this is going on think of the best thing that happened to you yesterday. Think of a good thing that is going to happen today, or decide to make something good happen today.
Tomorrow: RAMP IT UP

WHO’S GOT THE MOTIVATION?

One of my groups recently had a long discussion (after 4 weeks it is still going on.)  The topic was the source of motivation.  The options were that the employees brought it, the employer created it, or some combination of the two.  The initial premise was a statement that to hire the already motivated was the best way to build a strong work force.  I believe the group was trying to identify before hiring was a “strong work ethic.”  A work ethic is a general tendency we have to put a real effort into any assignment.

My opinion, based on extensive reading in psychology, is that everyone has some blend of six basic self actualization motives.  These are the needs we seek to satisfy after we have enough to eat, a warm dry place to sleep, sex, and a sense of security.   These motives are not aligned with the employer’s motives until we know what the employer’s vision, objectives and motivations are.   An employer that understands these motivations can select employees that are likely to find self actualization in that organization.

The comments got pretty snarly from time to time.  That happens when people are heavily invested in their opinions.   What struck me was how many of the commentators disliked employees and regarded them as lesser beings. Those with this view definitely did not want the responsibility of supplying the motivation.  If they had to supply the motivation, their preferred system was the whip.

Those that are shirking their leadership and management responsibilities will find things going their way in a weak economy.  The employees without specific motivation, but with the strong work ethic, will be enough to support the 40% who admit to working just hard enough not to get fired. 

However, when the economy recovers you don’t want to be standing in the exit door.  You will get trampled by the unmotivated with a strong work ethic.  They will lead the charge to a better place to work.  They will find an organization that aligns with their motivations.

For students reading this the lesson is to plan to be an entrepreneur.  Bring an entrepreneur is hard.  It is the best chance you have to work for a good leader or manager.

ACROSS THE GREAT DIVIDE: Briding the Conversation Gap between Artists and Clients

I will be speaking at the Create Denver Expo Day of Information, Saturday, May 12th @ 2:45 PM.

The Expo is at the Denver Convention Center Friday & Saturday, May 11 & 12, 2012.
Information about Denver Creates may be found at
Website: http://www.denvergov.org/CreateDenver
Facebook: www.facebook.com/CreateDenver
My talk will cover the differences between artists and clients. These differences occur in almost every conversation. Artists often have greater difficulty reaching out from their world to the worlds of business, marketing, etc.  These worlds need their services, but don’t speak their language. I guarantee the session will provide the artist with immediately usable ways to eliminate the language barriers.

EDISON AWARDS RECOGNIZE TTI “PERFORMANCE DNA”

TTI’s INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY RECOGNIZED BY EDISON AWARD
Last night in New York City, The Edison Awards were bestowed upon the best and brightest innovators and innovations in the country. Recognized among them were Bill and Ron Bonnstetter and TTI, whose research and Performance DNA assessment enabled The Kern Family Foundation to spearhead a nationwide effort to improve the graduation rates of college engineering students.
ttiresearch.com ttiresearch.com

I use DISC, PIAV, and TriMetrix assessments provided by TTI (Targeted Training International). It is wonderful to see TTI receiving this award and recognition. I have found that their assessments surprise people with their accuracy. I don’t mean just general accuracy, but the accuracy of the detail.
DISC measures behavior styles. Behavioral styles are not personalities. They are the style of living that we wear on our sleeve. I can see your behavioral style. It is how you act, talk, listen, solve problems, lead, etc. It is possible to sit in an international airport and recognize the styles in the travelers from other nations and cultures. DISC measurement is accurate around the world. People are very different around the world. However, beyond cultural uniqueness the four styles are embedded in and expressed by every human.
The four styles are the DRIVER, INFLUENCER, STEADY, and COMPLIANT/ANALYTICAL. Nobody is only a “D”, or “I”, or “S”, or “C”. The styles evolve from four “how‘s.” How we make decisions. How we influence people. How we relate to change. How we solve problems. No one of us can get through a day without acting in all four of these styles. We all act more comfortably and with greater strength in two styles and with less energy in the other two.
Do we gain the most from understanding our own style blend, or from being able to identify and understand another’s style blend? Either one makes a huge difference in how we handle our relations with specific people. The two together provide a rock solid platform for dealing effectively with people.
Let me offer one quick example. The Driver is decisive, tough, impatient, and direct and does not listen well. The steady is calm, is comfortable with process, patient, amiable listens carefully and values close relationships. Let’s just take one Driver characteristic and see it in this interaction. The Driver values his/her time and values your time. At the end of a conversation, she/he might simply walk off. The Steady sees an abrupt end to the conversation and feels anger from the Driver.
In the same cross style meeting a Driver who knows his/her style distribution will handle this ending very differently. She/he will know that the Steady is a good listener and expects that courtesy in return. The Steady also is comfortable with process and there is a social process to ending conversations. Our enlightened Driver finishes what she/he has to say and asks the Steady for their opinion. The Driver listens, really listens, to the opinion. The Driver then thanks the Steady for the conversation. The Steady feels heard and respected. The conversation process is formally closed.
Contact me about assessments and coaching to turn the understanding styles into a vital tool for learning, communication, team work and success. 303-917-6617 nconsulting2@qwestoffice.net

LIVING LIKE DRUG LORDS

“THE ONLY PURPOSE OF A CORPORATION IS TO RETURN PROFITS TO THE INVESTORS.” Sounds like something straight out of THE GODFATHER. Remember all those guys that murdered, or were murdered, or both, who insisted it was “just business?” This philosophy makes a drug cartel a better business model than dairy, automaker, or Microsoft.
This gangster philosophy of the corporations probably owes a lot to second and third generation of gangster families who have”gone straight.” They bring their basic world view with them. There’s not that much difference between having Sammy “whacked” because he was edging into your territory and causing the deaths of people with your industrial pollution. Both make money for the stockholders by eliminating costs.
This way of thinking produces some interesting road blocks for other purposes of the corporation. You might think the primary purpose of a hospital is to save peoples’ lives and enhance their health. How does this work with the stockholder profit objective of keeping the beds full? It certainly makes preventative medicine undesirable.
I learned recently that one of the local hospitals, a great hospital, I might add, has over 200 kinds of prescription drugs on back order. The reason? Although these drugs will save lives and improve health there is not enough profit in them for the pharmaceutical manufacturers. These same manufacturers have wonderful vision statements of joy and healing.
Here’s another pill paradox. Many pain pills are addictive. Prescription drug addiction is the biggest addiction problem in the United States. Adults get it from learning that the pills that stopped the pain make you feel really good when the pain stops. Children get it from their parents’ medicine cabinets, buddies at school bringing treats from their homes, and from valid prescriptions.
It is possible to add chemicals to pain drugs that cause discomfort, if you take more than a prescribed dose. There are also chemicals that can be taken separately that block the effects of the pain pills. The pharmaceutical corporations are not rushing these drugs to market. The illegal sales of these pain pills are as large as, sometimes larger than the legal sales.
The corporation may claim to sell its soul for the benefit of stockholder profits. That claim is not true. The payment for the soul is skimmed off the top in “C” level salaries, bonuses and pension plans. The sharks at the top of the chain swallow most of the benefits. What do they need these huge sums of money for? Why, to live like drug lords!

Tomorrow

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IT’S TOO LATE FOR ME TO DO THAT

I have written about a plan for creating a support structure for alternative healers. As I have begun work on this project one mentor and I have injected a consideration into my planning. The project is too big and I will never finish it.
The mentor estimated 8 years to get it off the ground. That estimate was based on the breadth of the final support structure. I immediately thought he was right. I began to follow his suggestion to cut the plan back to just one single piece of the structure I envisioned.
Then I began to question why I had so easily agreed with his advice. The need is for the entire structure. The plan for the entire structure is practical. Eight years is not that long a time. The project can deliver great benefits to the clients, to the practitioners and to me. So, why did I consider abandoning my dream so quickly?
I forgot one of the very basic principles in my personal philosophy. I stepped completely out of the “Now”. I began to live and worry in the future. I introduced fear into the plan. The thing pushed me into the future and fear was my age. Will I live long enough to do it?
Why did I make that such a big consideration? I had already planned to develop the system and train my replacement at the same time. I knew that it was not practical to build the entire structure at once. I think what happened was I let some very good advice knock me off balance.
I attend an Eckhart Tolle discussion group. A recent topic was how difficult it is to remain focused on the “Now” when we are troubled. One of the thoughts that evolved was “this is when the focus is the most valuable.” This is true. The “Now” is not a place to hide from the future, or run from the past. It is the time to be and to act.
Our present action does create the future. One of the considerations in our choice of action can be how to create so that our absence will not end our creation. One of Tolle’s primary teachings is that focus on the future as the point of our happiness creates fear. The simple possibility of our absence from that future should not be the fear that prevents action now.
I had a similar dilemma a few years ago. I really wanted a motorcycle. I had ridden for years then sold my last bike. I kept thinking that I wanted to ride again. Then I would tell myself, I was too old to ride. One day I asked myself, “How much younger do you need to be to start riding, again?” Two weeks after that I bought the motorcycle. I had five good years of riding after that.
I am going to start creating my dream, now.

BEING WRONG

50% OF YOUR MEMORIES ARE FALSE – FORGET OUR GRUDGES
I have read in several different books and articles that 50% of what we remember is false. Of course, we remember big the big events accurately, right? Wrong.
In one study researchers interviewed people within week of the 9/11 attack. That was a major event. The researchers waited 10 years. They interviewed the same people, again. Only 50% of the subjects’ current memories of the event matched their initial memory.
Do I hear a “so what

Well, like most of us, I have some bad memories. Two of them have bothered me off and on for years. This thought occurred to me. “What if my memory of those events is wrong? How can I continue to invest this emotion in something that may not have happened? What if the event was entirely different than I remember it?” Since then these memories have not returned.
Why did they not return? We tend to remember things better, if there is emotion attached. If the emotion detaches from the memory, we are less likely to remember it.
Well, before this I had read that it is hard to change your mind. You have to make a real effort to accept and evaluate new information. Just accepting new information can be difficult. I find that when I am offered the opportunity to read an opposing view I get very, very tired! Really!

If I wade through this feeling, I can at least take in new information. I can evaluate that information and my old information. I need to have enough objectivity to compare my evaluations. The comparison will determine whether the old or the new belief is most likely to be true.
Why is that? When I believe something that is false I want to continue to believe it. If you, or experience, or whatever convinces me that something else is true, I will change my mind. Very shortly after I change my mind I will not believe I ever held the false belief. (Now my new belief can be false. To me at this time it is my true belief.) I will know that I have always held the new belief!

Your mind may be playing games with you. I may be making you miserable with the pain and anger of old memories. It may be lying to you. At least, it may be presenting you will false information. Realize there is a 50/50 chance that it is false, or inaccurate. Walk away from it.